Regardless, thinking about all of this doesn't change the fact that I am still sitting here. Paralyzed because I don't know where to start. Do I go to school? Should I move to a place where I don't have to hibernate in freakish cold for 6 months? Do I just pick up and travel even though everyone advises me not to? (Besides the fact that I don't have the money for it hahaha) Do I start trying to make money a way that I would enjoy? OH MY GOD. Seriously, this has been the question in my brain for MONTHS and I am no closer to leaning one way or the other. I want someone to push my buttons and want to take adventures with me and kind of figure it out along the way. But am I the only one that would really go and do this?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Am I the Only One?
Confusion is the word of the day. Why is it so difficult to just go for something? Or to leave something behind? I know that I'm being vague, and I really wish I didn't have to be... But sometimes I feel like I live in another world than other people. I just really disagree with the idea that I have to look at the next couple of years as work..too the point of no freedom. I don't understand the American correlation that work replaces having a life. It is such a waste of some of the best years of my life. And of course, I want to make money, succeed and do my best work. I do that naturally. I don't care how small the job is, I put my heart into it. But does my heart really have to go into a mediocre job that just pays the bills? Why can't my heart go into something that I really enjoy? I have to waste years at the bottom at the totem pole while I'm fresh out of school, very recently educated about all the new technologies and ideas? How does that even make sense?
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absolutely not. I feel as though im in the same boat as you. Anything short of someone handing me money to travel has me stuck in westchester. Im 3/4 of the way through reading "On the Road" by Jack Karouac. It takes place in the mid 1950s and this dude is just so depressed about his life he just leaves New Jersey and hitchhikes across America. Its incredible all the people he meets and the things that happen to him. Needless to say it was different back then, when one could just stick their thumb in the air and not have to worry about getting killed...or hop on a railway car and have it take you halfway across the US. Regardless your not the only one that wants to travel.
ReplyDeleteI was toying around with the idea of becoming a roadie for a year. Just work for any band (big or small) and scrape enough money to get by....but have the ability to taste the air in every big city.
Whatever you do, dont let your dreams and ambitions get snuffed out. Eventually things will start going your way!
I think most 20-somethings feel the same way you do. I know I do. That feeling of knowing what you want but not knowing at the same time. Its probably the most frustrating feeling in the world. I get paid to do something I enjoy but just not paid nearly enough. At some point we all have to look ourselves in the mirror and take a step in one of two directions 1) the leap of faith:going in the ill-advised, scary, possibly lonly road directly to where your heart wants you to go or 2)the path of least resistance: getting that 9-5 making money and trying to make time for your dreams on days off and paid vacations. Not that there is anything wrong with that, pleanty of honorable people I know did/do exactly that and they have great lives and great freinds and great families they just may not have everything they always wished for. A lot of things way on these choices as they are most often very emotional decisions. The only real advice I can give is trust your gut cause its 97% of the time it works all the time. Maybe for you an internship for a movie/tv production company in the city might satisfy all your needs andd wants( the desire to travel, write and make money though you might be paid as an indentured servant)or not just a suggestion but dont listen to me im just a doctor.
ReplyDeleteAll I'd say is that not deciding is deciding. While you're thinking about doing these things, you're not actually doing any of them and are therefore deciding not to do them. If you want to go to England you have to book a plane ticket, if you want to go to grad school you have to apply (except DON"T, because grad school is a very unique circle of hell), if you want a good job you have to start sending out your resume. It doesn't even matter if the next thing you do is the best or worst or right or wrong thing to do, you'll never know until you try it. Just pick one- if it sucks, pick something else.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think the "best years of your life" thing is reserved for college, which already came and went. Does that really mean life will never get better than it already was, cause I really hope that's not the way it works.